Cyberdevil 2008-03-31 10:40:31

lol, I've leared a new word! Otakukin it is. :P

flashplayer5 2008-03-31 11:12:23

Nice list 'o lulz!

christmasraptor 2008-04-01 00:50:46

All this is by me. I reserve the rights to take royalties on any lulz
produced by this.

Done for april fools day 08

Newgrounds- hear me out. Just once. Everything this past week or so has been going wrong for me. It all started out with a trip to the grocery store- nothing major. I went to pick up some Bacon and eggs, just for the next morning's breakfast. Me and a few friends were headed out to Cuba- going to party over spring break. So, I get to the store, and get to the counter with my food. Everything is peachy. I'm in line, when a fairly old-looking woman comes up to me. She asked me " Excuse me, but could you hold my purse for a minute while I use the bathroom?"

Always trying to be helpful, I agreed. It was then I noticed my plane tickets were in my back pocket. Looking back at the woman, I noticed she was leaving the store, walking away from the restrooms. I moved toward her, about to tell her to turn around, when the automatic doors closed behind her. I had started running for the door, when the police cars arrived. Sirens blaring, four patrol sedans and a SWAT van show up and charge the entrance. Still running after the woman, my view of her obscured by a patrol car, when a cop stepped in front of me. We collided, and I stumbled backwards, dropping the womans purse. I winced as I heard the audible snap of my wrist breaking on the pavement. It was then that the bag hit the ground, and sprawled open. That's when everything REALLY fucked up.

The purse broke open to reveal a Glock 18, a few bundles of $100 bills, and enough Meth, PCP, and Heroin to OD a Horse. That was when a large, burly SWAT member put me in a headlock and cuffed me. Things didn't get better when I was searched, and they found next-day plane tickets to Cuba. Turns out that's a popular smuggling destination.

I spent the next two days in questioning. No Spring break for me!

Then, I got to enjoy the wonders of Getting a limb reset. Not fun, especially when your doctor isn't using anesthesia. Did I mention- The bone from my wrist didn't fracture, it snapped in half.

It's still in a cast right now- hurts like shit. Let me say this- having a sharp bone going out your arm does NOT feel good, and, if possible, feels worse going back in.
The only decent part of being in Traction was the food. Every day, my friends Not in Cuba brought me a Hot dog with Relish, from a cart down the street. God, they were good. I'd eaten two on my first day when- oops, I un-ate them.

I vomited nine fucking times.

Turns out that the relish was about three years old, and gave me the second most severe case of food poisoning in the hospitals history.

The most severe case died. So, I'm on three drips, and feeling better after three days, so I'm released with a prescription and instructions to keep my fluids up.

So I get home, completely exhausted, And collapse onto my old couch. Then, the couch collapses under me. Part of the wooden frame hits my face, breaking my nose. Back to the hospital!

The break wasn't that bad, but man, it hurt like shit. So, the next day, with gauze on my face and a cast on my arm, I walk into Ikea to find a cheap couch, and I find one. It's comfortable enough, even if the design has some rounded rectangular indent on the back, so I buy it.

Now would be a good time to mention that the two tables I have at the end of the couch look like hands from the back, and the hands are reaching beyond the table itself. It's called "Grasping truth" By my late great-grandfather. He worked in wood mediums for a while, and I'm proud to own it. So I put my new Ikea couch with its suede feel and maroon indent in the back, and put Grasping truth alongside it, one on each side, reaching behind the couch, like always.

So, I'm feeling good, and I Invite a few good friends, back from Cuba, over, to watch some football. So, they come in the front door, which gives a good view of the rear of my couch, and my brother ( a prominent member in our merry band) Stares for a few seconds, then bursts out laughing, falling to the floor.

After he calmed down, he pointed at the couche's indent, with "Grasping truth" latched into it, gasping out "Goatse" and laughing.

SHIT. It does look like fucking goatse. I kind of panic, as everyone else realizes whats going on. One of my buddies didn't know what goatse was, so, of course, my brother, much to my chagrin, shows him. Oh jesus, he nearly passed out. So, we leave it on the monitor, and get some beer, still laughing over it. after getting drunk enough, two of my mates, and my brother, whip out their cocks and fake-masturbate to Goatse. Everyone laughed!

Then my dad walks in, yelling "Surprise!"

He saw my monitor, and the men pseudo-fapping to the contents, before we could react.

Then my dear old dad had a heart attack.

When he woke up in the ER, he said he was just so startled- IT was too much.

Shit.

Nothing is going right lately.

So after that, my whole family has a big, long talk.

I blame my brother for what happened, as he wanted to pull up the site, and he blames me for being a fur(niture)fag.

Then he punches me in the face.

I respond, him having violated my already-broken nose, with a kick in the nuts.

Howling, my bro fainted.

Not good.

After breaking out the smelling salts, My mom decided it would be best for me and my luck to get away from the city for a while.

What she wanted me to do next was shocking.

I mean, can you believe it?

I got in one little fight and my mom got scared
And said, "You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air."

I whistled for a cab and when it came near
The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror
If anything I could say that this cab was rare
But I thought, "Nah, forget it. Yo home to Bel-Air!"

I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8
And I yelled to the cabby yo holmes smell ya later
Looked at my kingdom I was finally there
To sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-Air.

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Gentlemen, start your engines, let the April-fools Prankfest begin!

flashman16 2008-04-01 15:45:40

what u got again't DTH?
he's just a 12 year old who wanted to make a story

tehbackalleys 2008-04-02 15:56:19

stop typing

flashman16 2008-04-02 16:30:36

i'm not saying he's perfect (name one person who is!)

i mean you didn't even mention the tranny betty!